how can i handle all this?

God, i am really worried.
i am worried for my Os.
that it will turn out bad. worst than my other exams.
everyone tells me to do my best.
but, i don't know what my best is.
i always thought i would not do my best because my best is to know everything from the textbook. but, i can't.
i am really afraid that my results will turn out bad.

i've never had this feeling before.
i never worry for my previous examinations.
i never want to know what can i improve on. i never wanted to study way before the examinations.
i always do last minute work. but now, i did it before the last minute.
which made me more worried.
made me more forgetful.
i can memorize it today, tomorrow, i will forget all about it.
i can't screw this up anymore.
practical, was a screwed up junk.
chinese, is another one.
next paper, is chemistry.
i really can't afford to screw this up.
i really can't.
everyone is telling me that i can do it.
but can i?
i often tell myself, be realistic, be optimistic.
both, are completely different things.
one, telling yourself that you can only do that much.
the other, push it over the limit.
i don't really know which can i believe and trust.
i guess life is all about reality.
optimistic is just pushing you beyond reality.
i am quite an optimistic person.
but when i tell myself i did it.
i did not

i've never felt so worried before.
now i know, what it is like.
:/
sigh.

but i am glad that this will soon be over.
and something worth looking forward to,
Christmas. (:

i love Christmas.
now, its the Christmas season, i can feel the cool breeze rush through my face.
i want to have a perfect Christmas.
where i can rejoice for my results.
where i can celebrate with my family, relatives and friends.
that will be a perfect Christmas present ever.


at some point of time, i feel like giving up.
giving up this whole entire thing i have been going through.
studying at late nights, studying in school, looking for teachers to clear my doubts.
i am really tired.
but i think of my parents, working so hard, paying my education fees.
i think of my teachers, putting in so much effort in helping us to graduate. esp you, ms koh. (:
i think of myself, my future, what will i do without education?
i think of my friends, pushing me, pushing everyone, to graduation.
i think of that, that makes me wanna move on.

we have been so far.
it is our final lap.
don't give up.
cause we will all graduate together. (:






the perfect ending to a wonderful year,
will be to celebrate the good times with you here,
cause i know,
for sure,
i never wanted anything more.
the greatest gift that there could be,
wrapped underneath my Christmas tree,
would be the same my whole life through,
i'd spend the perfect Christmas with you.
and my good results. :D